Dirty Jokes
Cheeky adult jokes for grown-ups only. Rude, naughty and not safe for work.
456 jokes · page 5 of 10
- A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session for the first timeA psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session for the first time. The group was made up of three young mothers and their small…
- A redneck from Kentucky gets marriedA redneck from Kentucky gets married. On his wedding night, he finds his bride in the sexiest piece of lingerie he’s ever laid eyes on. She…
- A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman were drinking at a barA Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman were drinking at a bar. “As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back…
- A team of archaeologists in Jerusalem found a slab of rockA team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it. In order the figures…
- A teenage boy confesses, “Forgive me Father, I have sinned. I've been with a loose girl”A teenage boy goes to church to confess his sins. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.” The priest asks…
- A wife praised the lord for her husbands crushed scrotumThe pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer. Mary stood and walked to the podium…
- A woman buys a parrot with colorful language – she was not impressed with what it saidA woman walks into a pet store and sees a handsome bright red parrot. She asks the cashier how much the parrot is. The cashier says, “I’ll…
- A woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husbandA woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband’s libido. "What about trying Viagra?" asked the…
- A woman was walking with her little daughter when they came upon two dogs humpingA woman was walking along the street with her little daughter when they came upon two dogs humping. When the daughter asked her mother what…
- A young man goes to the pharmacy to buy some condoms for his hot dateA young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could I buy a single condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for…
- After a long night of making love, the man got a real shockAfter a long night of making love, Ben rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it…
- An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morningAn American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning. He's having coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam, when a…
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- An angel brings two statues to life and tells them to do what they have longed to doThere were two statues standing in the park. One of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway…
- An attractive lady from Seattle was in a remote part of Texas when her car broke downAn attractive lady from Seattle was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. A local on horseback came along and…
- An Aussie goes to Texas and is amazed by how big everything is – then this happens!An Aussie walks into a bar in Texas and orders a drink. The barman gives him a drink. The Aussie looks at the drink and comments on how big…
- At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each otherAt a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As…
- He noticed his friends wife wasn't wearing any underwear – she offered him a surpriseTwo couples were playing poker one evening. Dave accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick…
- His grandma mistakenly told him it was sexual intercourse – his friends mum wasn't happyLittle Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while…
- I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic."I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack…
- Joe had been having horrible headaches, so he went to see his doctorJoe had been having horrible headaches, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches…
- Little Johnny put the teacher in a moral dillema with his dirty betA father was very upset about his son Little Johnny's gambling habits. So he went up to school to talk to the boy's teacher. The teacher…
- Little Johnny Unexpectedly Farts In The SandboxOne day little Johnny was sitting in the sandbox with his crush, Sally. As they are playing, Johnny let's out a little fart causing the…
- Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virginMaria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house…
- Maria was a 19 year old maid who wanted a pay riseMaria was a 19 year old maid who worked for a wealthy Californian couple. She wasn’t well paid, and one day she asked her boss, Mrs. Darcy…
- I was on my dating app and swiped on a girl with no pic – I sure got luckySo I was on my dating app, and I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched. So after a brief chat I went to go pick her up…
- Pinocchio is in bed with his girlfriend doing what wooden boys do with their girlfriendsPinocchio is in bed with his girlfriend doing what wooden boys do with their girlfriends. When it is over, he notices she is crying. He…
- She didn’t have any pubic hair – The Scottish couple were amazed!A Scottish couple took in a young woman as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't…
- She warns her friend about dating this older gentlemanDorothy and Edna, two elderly widows, are talking. Dorothy says, "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date." "I know you went out…
- She Was Going To A Nymphomaniacs ConventionA man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon…
- She whispered to the older man, “I’m sorry daddy, I’ve been a very naughty girl”In an old part of town there's an establishment often visited by a certain kind of people. In addition to numerous items on display, the…
- The blonde met a huge bodybuilder at the bar and they go back to his placeA 21 year old blonde girl met a large, powerfully built bodybuilder at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place…
- The boy asked his Grandma why she doesn't have a boyfriend since grandpa went to heavenOne day, a 5 year old boy went to visit his granny. Playing with his toys on the back porch while grandma was dusting, he looked up and…
- The Dad explains why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”…
- The Emperor decided he wanted to find the best samurai in the worldOne day, the Emperor decided he wanted to find the best samurai in the world. So he sent his men around the world, and they came back with…
- The husband is outraged by the cost of the hotelA Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue…
- The little girl discovers secrets that her Mummy didn’t want her to knowA mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date. “Mummy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?” “Honey, you’re…
- The Manager was impressed with the quick thinking boyA man in Denver walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that…
- The President of France asks the USA for condomsThe President of France was awakened at 4am by the telephone. "Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency!" "I've…
- The teacher asked her class, “Which body part increases 10 times size when stimulated?”The 5th grade science teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked her class,… “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”…
- The teenager had spiked hair in all different colorsI took my old dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a…
- The waiter shocked the man by telling him what he did in the restroom!Some friends and I went out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It…
- The young bride was taken by her older husband many times on their wedding nightRobert, who is 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and…
- These Parents heard a humming sound coming from their daughter’s bedroomA mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found…
- Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas stationTwo aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the…
- Two little kids are in a hospitalTwo little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks…
- Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench smoking cigarettes when it starts to rainTwo old ladies are sitting on a park bench smoking cigarettes when it starts to rain. One of the ladies reaches into her purse and pulls…
- When in college I met this girl and we became so intimately closeWhen I was in college, I met this girl who was from Michigan and we became so intimately close but in a friendly platonic kind of way. I…
- When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 note and stuck it to…Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note…
- Women have all the luck when it comes to getting olderTwo old guys were sitting in the park talking, when the subject turned to "getting older". The first guy said, "Women have all the luck…
- The pastor is invited for dinner, and is shocked by the little girl's telling of graceA church pastor is invited to dinner at the house of a parishioner. The pastor sits at the table with the family. The mom requests her…