Jokes of the Day

A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. 💍

He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” 😃

The mother agrees, and the next day he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them down on the couch, and they chat for a while. 🛋️

He then says, “Okay, Ma. Guess which one I’m going to marry.”

She immediately picks the most beautiful one and replies, “The one in the middle.” 👩👩👩

He was surprised that his mother was so easily able to guess the correct woman, “How do you know?!” 😲

The mother replies,

“I don’t like her!” 😜

…who looks him up in his Big Book.

Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest.

He announces himself to St. Peter.

Upon scanning the preacher’s entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, “Okay, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”

The preacher is astonished and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabby.”

St. Peter responded quite matter-of-factly,

“Here we are interested in results.”

“When you preached, people slept,”…

“When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed.”

Once upon a time, there were two lovebirds, Max and Molly, who were head over heels for each other. They decided to tie the knot and were excited about their bright future together. However, there was one quirky twist in their story: Molly’s mischievous younger sister.

This younger sister was a twenty-year-old troublemaker who loved to wear outrageous outfits, including tight mini skirts and low-cut blouses. Whenever she was around Max, she would playfully tease him by bending down and showing off her skimpy panties. It was all in good fun, or so they thought…

One day, Molly’s younger sister called Max over to help with the wedding invitations. When Max arrived, he found himself alone with Molly’s sibling. In a hushed voice, the younger sister confessed that she had developed feelings for Max and couldn’t resist sharing her desires.

Stunned and speechless, Max couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The mischievous sibling then slyly suggested that if Max wanted to indulge in a secret rendezvous before getting married, all he had to do was follow upstairs to the bedroom.

Frozen in shock, Max watched as the younger sister ascended the stairs and, to his surprise, threw her panties down at him from the top. This was a true test of Max’s loyalty and commitment!

Without hesitation, Max snapped out of his daze and made a beeline for the front door. Little did he know, Molly’s father was waiting outside, tears in his eyes. With a mix of relief and joy, he warmly embraced Max, realizing that he had passed their unconventional family test with flying colors.

Through tears of joy, Molly’s father said, “We couldn’t have asked for a better partner for our daughter. Welcome to the family!”

And so, the moral of this hilarious tale is:

Always keep your condoms in the car.

One evening last week, my wife and I got into bed.

We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?”

Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch enough with my emotional needs as a woman, for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She saw my puzzled look and said, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I decided to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her “we’ll just buy them all”.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”She was almost nearing ecstatic satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!”

Then I said, “Really, honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch enough with my financial needs as a man, for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

A man comes home late after drinking all night.

His upset wife greets him in the kitchen.

She says, “You’re drunk, again! I’ve had it with you!”

The man, slurring, says to her, “I’m not drunk.”

The frustrated wife responds, “I can smell the liquor – you are drunk!”

The husband, once again refusing to back down, says, “I’m not drunk, I tell you!”

The wife points at their grandfather clock and says, “Then can you tell the time?!”

The husband looks over intensely at the clock and says, “Of course I can, woman!”

The wife replies with, “Well? Go on.”

The husband stumbles over to the old clock, waves a finger at it, and slurs,

“I’m not drunk.”

The doctor said,

“Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.”

“You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one heck of a headache.”

“The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed, but in the end he came to the conclusion that he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.

He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

Then he saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need. A new suit.”

He entered the shop and told the tailor, “I’d like a new suit.”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see, size 44 long.”

Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit, and it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The tailor eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years,” quipped the tailor.

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

He walked comfortably around the shop and the tailor asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The tailor said, “Let’s see, size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 32 since I was 18 years old.”

But the tailor shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 32,”….

“A size 32 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache.”

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.

One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.”

“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?’

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’

“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what is in the other bag?”

The old lady replies with a grin,

“Well, not everybody pays.”

There was this guy on a plane trying to order a whisky.

He tried to get the attention of the air stewardess, but wasn’t having much luck.

Suddenly, the parrot sitting next to him leans over and squawks, “Hey you! Get me a bloomin’ whisky.”

Hurriedly, the stewardess brings the parrot back a drink, but still ignores the guy.

The parrot downs the whisky in one go and then screamed out again, “Hey you! Yes you! Bring me another whisky!”

Again, the stewardess rushes over and serves the parrot.

The guy still cannot get her attention, but he’s a bit clever and realizes where he is going wrong.

He shouts, “Hey! You! Yes you, stop being lazy and bring me a bloomin’ whisky!”

The stewardess rushes off to the back of the plane, but instead of coming back with a drink, she reappears with two burly men and points to the man and the parrot.

A minute later, whilst falling from the plane, the parrot turns to the guy and says,

“You know, for someone who can’t fly, you sure are a cheeky bugger.”

A 90 year-old man marries a beautiful 25 year-old woman.

They go on their honeymoon to beautiful, picturesque Venice, Italy.

After a day of sightseeing, they return to their hotel. He turns to his young bride and says, “Honey, I’m tired after all this excitement. I’m going to go to bed. See you in the morning.”

She say “Ok”, and off he goes to bed, while she stays in the living room of their honeymoon suite.

11pm that night, he comes into the living room and begins to make passionate love to his new wife.

Once they finish up, he once again excuses himself and goes back to bed.

The young woman is so exhausted, that she falls asleep right there on the couch.

1am that same night, he comes into the living room again, wakes her up again, and they once again make passionate, incredible, mind-blowing love. She’s amazed at his stamina and performance, especially for a man as old as he is! This time was better than the last, too!

Once again, they finish up and he goes off to bed. She, same as before, passes out on the couch with a smile from ear to ear.

3am that same night, he once AGAIN comes into the living room and wakes her, ready to kick off round three.

This time, she stops her stallion of a husband and asks him, “Dear, how do you do it?! How can you come in here two times already tonight and be ready for a third go?!”

He looks at her with a twinkle in his eye and says,

“I was here twice already?!”

Did You Know Any Of These 48 Facts?

1. Hot water will turn into ice faster than cold water.

2. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

3. The sentence, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the English language.

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

5. Ants never sleep!

6. “I Am” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

7. Coca-Cola was originally green.

8. Bats have no anus.

9. When the moon is directly overhead, you will weigh slightly less.

10. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from the blowing desert sand.

11. There are only two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”

12. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

13. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

14. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

15. Minus 40 degrees Celsius is exactly the same as minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

16. Chocolate can kill dogs, as it contains theobromine, which affects their heart and nervous system.

17. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

18. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.

19. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

20. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

21. People say “Bless you” when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

22. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky

23. The “sixth sick sheikh’s sixth sheeps’ sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

24. “Rhythm” is the longest English word without a vowel.

25. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

26. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.

– Spades = King David – Clubs = Alexander the Great – Hearts = Charlemagne – Diamonds – Julius Caesar.

27. It is impossible to touch you nose with your tongue.

28. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

29. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. – If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. – If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

30. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?

Answer. – All invented by women.

31. Question – This is the only food that doesn’t spoil. What is this?

Answer. – Honey.

32. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

33. A snail can sleep for three years.

34. All polar bears are left handed.

35. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

36. Butterflies taste with their feet.

37. Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

38. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

39. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

40. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

41. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

42. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

43. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

44. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

45. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times

46. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

47. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

48. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”

“I bought it today,” he says.

“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.

They knew what a new F150 cost.

“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”

The father looks at him like he’s crazy.

“Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?” he says.

“It was the lady up the street,” says the boy.

“I don’t know her name – they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy her F150 for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my Goodness!” says the mother.

“Maybe she’s mentally ill or has alzheimer’s or something.”

“John, you better go see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walks up the street to the house where the lady lives and finds her out in the yard calmly planting petunias.

He introduces himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Ford F150 truck for fifteen dollars and asks to know why she did it.

“Well,” she says, “two days ago my husband left on a business trip.”

“Yesterday I got a phone call from his boss and found out that he really ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”

“Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry,” the father says.

“But what does that have to do with my son and your truck?”

“Well, this morning he called and told me he was stranded because he got robbed of his wallet with all his credit cards and cash.”

“He told me to sell his new F150 and send him the money,…”

“So I did.”

This is a great trick to use if you ever have to bunk with a heavy snorer. It seems to work great!

Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.

When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You’ve got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him, “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“How did you sleep?” asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained.

“I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and after that he sat up all night watching me…”

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.

When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

“Listen,” says the doc, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience.

When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead.

This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her.

Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

“Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “You have a REALLY nice house!”

St. Peter conducts a census in heaven and realizes someone is missing.

So he goes to the computer and realizes that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell.

He get’s on the phone to the Devil.

St. Peter: “So, Dev, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?”

Devil: “Bob? No way. Not going to. Since he has been down here he fixed the aircons, the plumbing and basically everything that was wrong with hell. We are living in paradise down here thanks to Bob. And at the fraction of the cost. Would you believe he found a way to power everything using thermodynamics? No way you am I sending him up.”

St. Peter: “Well this is highly irregular. You leave me no choice. I will have to sue.”

Devil (laughing diabolically): “Sue? Where do you suppose you’ll find a lawyer?”

A young man was wandering, lost in a forest, when he came upon a small house.

Knocking on the door, he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “But on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

“OK” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man’s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear, and near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, “Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”

“Well, that’s pretty crappy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do, then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window, and threw the boulder out.

As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read, “Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.” In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, “Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.”

So there is a Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist in a boat fishing.

The priest says, “Oh heavens, I forgot my lures back on land” and steps out of the boat, walks across the water back to the land, and grabs his lures before walking back to the boat.

The atheist was astounded, but before he could make sense of the situation, the rabbi says, “Oh Yahweh help me, I forgot my bait!”

And he also steps out of the boat, and walks across the water back to the land to grab his bait, before walking back to the boat.

The atheist was stunned, but refusing to believe in divinity of any sort or it’s impact on the world, he says, “Yeah… I left my extra line on land”.

The atheist hops out of the boat and, “SPLASH!”, he sinks right through to the bottom of the lake.

After a moment the priest looks at the rabbi and says,

“Come to think of it, we probably should have told him where the rocks were.”

After a while it became clear they had made a wrong turn and got lost.

The wife consulted the road map but couldn’t figure out where they were.

They were driving along a rural road when they saw a farmer standing by the road.

“I’ll pull over and see if he can help,” the husband says.

He gets out of the car and asks the farmer, “My wife and I seem to have taken a wrong turn. Can you tell me where we are?”

“Saskatoon, Saskatchewan,” the farmer replies.

The husband gets back in the car.

“Well, where are we?” the wife asks.

The husband replies,

“I don’t know. He doesn’t speak English.”

One night a lone cowboy rode into a small town. He immediately went to the only saloon in town and ordered a drink.

While drinking he asked the bartender if there was a room and any women around. The bartender told him he had a room for rent and then glanced over to his friends drinking at another table.

They decided to play a joke on the cowboy. As the evening drug on, the cowboy became very drunk but was still asking about a woman.

Finally the bartender sent his friends upstairs on a mission and they returned shortly. Then the bartender told the cowboy that they only had one woman there but she was upstairs waiting on him. In fact, the bartender’s friends had carried a blow-up doll upstairs and placed her in cowboy’s bed.

The cowboy bid everyone good night and slowly climbed the stairs. Filled with anticipation he approached the room and went inside as the men downstairs listened with great interest. After a few moments, they heard the bed springs squeaking and moans of pleasure coming from the room.

Then everything was quiet.

Not being able to sleep with anticipation of the coming morning, the men decided to play poker through the night and await the man coming down the next morning. As he came down the stairs, they noticed a strange look on his face.

They asked, “Well, cowboy, how was the woman?”

He hesitated, then answered, “Man, that was the best piece of ass I ever had, but the strangest thing happened. After I screwed her, I bit her on the titty and she farted and flew out the window and I haven’t seen her since.”

Doctor: “Take off your blouse and bra.”

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: “What caused this?”

Girl: “Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love.”

Doctor: “Ok, you’re finished, send in the next girl.”

The next girl comes in and the doctor says the same, “Take off your blouse and bra”.

Sure enough there is an imprint of a U on her chest.

Doctor says “What caused this?”

Girl: “Well, my boyfriend goes to the University of Utah and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love.”

Doctor: “Sounds about right, okay you’re done send in the next girl”

The Girl comes in and removes her blouse and bra. This time there is an imprint of a M on her chest.

Doctor says: “Let me guess, your boyfriend goes to the University of Michigan right?”

Girl: “No doctor, but I have a girlfriend that goes to the University of Wisconsin.”

A young blonde woman at a bar struck up a conversation with a muscular bodybuilder.

After some flirtatious banter, they decided to head to his place. As they arrived, the bodybuilder proudly peeled off his shirt, flexing his muscles and shouting, “Boom!”

The blonde admired his physique and commented, “Wow, you’ve got an incredible chest!”

He boasted, “Yeah, that’s 100 pounds of dynamite, sweetheart!”

With another “Boom!” he tore off his pants to showcase his bulging legs. The blonde was amazed and said, “Oh my, such powerful legs you have!” He responded with a grin, “You bet, that’s 100 pounds of dynamite, sweetheart.”

Then, with the most dramatic “Boom!” yet, he removed his underwear.

This time, however, the blonde dashed out of the room like a bat out of hell.

The bewildered bodybuilder hurriedly dressed and ran after her. Catching up, he asked, “Why did you take off like that?”

Panting, the blonde replied, “I just realized with all that dynamite, it’s way too risky to stick around with such a short fuse!”

Two blondes went away on an adventure activity weekend in the country.

The archery and rifle events ran smoothly, but during the hunting expedition the pair became hopelessly lost.

They were unable to get a signal on their cell phones, and all their cries for help remained unanswered.

So they sat down forlornly and discussed what to do next.

Then, eyeing the weaponry, one said, ‘Didn’t the guide say that we should shoot into the air to summon help if we got lost?’

‘You’re right,’ said the other blonde, and she grabbed the bag containing the weapons.

But after another two and a half hours and ten shots, still no one came.

‘Do you think anyone will find us?’ asked the first blonde dejectedly.

‘I hope so,’ said the other…

‘We’re almost out of arrows.’

Three men die and are sent to Hell. Satan punishes them based on their sins.

They all must spend 80 years locked in a room with the guilty pleasures they had in life.

The alcoholic will have all the booze he can drink. The sex addict will have countless beautiful, horny women. And the pot head will have all the weed he can smoke.

The three men face their punishments happily.

80 years later, Satan opens their doors.

The alcoholic had drank all the booze and was incredibly sick from a hangover that never cured. He pleaded for repentance, swearing to never drink again.

The sex addict had not aged, and was being chased by several unattractive, horny old ladies. He begged Satan to let him go as he had learned his lesson.

Finally, Satan opened the door to the pot head’s room. To his surprise, none of the weed had been smoked.

The pot head was sitting on the floor crying. He said to Satan,

“Do you have a lighter man?!”

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”

“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man.”

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”

“Once,” he replied.

“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?”

“Don’t stop.”

St. Peter sadly shakes his head and tells him that because of his non-belief, he must be sent to Hell.

The Devil greets him there and shows him where he will now spend eternity, a lovely cozy cottage set on a beautiful hillside where the sweet smell of flowers fills the air.

The Devil tells him he will want for nothing and to feel free to walk the grounds.

One day, while he is out strolling through the idyllic gardens, he comes across a tall wall.

Curious, he climbs one of the many trees and peering over the wall, is shocked to see a fire-filled field with people writhing in agony and screaming hopelessly.

He is very disturbed by this sight and returns home.

The next day, the Devil pays him a visit and asks how he is enjoying eternity.

The atheist says he finds Hell to be a lovely place but is concerned about the things he saw on the other side of the wall.

“Oh,” the Devil says, “Those are Christian sinners.”

“But why,” the man asks, “Are they suffering so much while I, who didn’t believe in God at all, am here in such comfort?”

“I don’t know,” the Devil replies shrugging,…

“That’s just the way they want it.”