Thanksgiving Jokes

Why did the cranberry sauce feel left out?

Every single year, someone at the table says, “Oh, we have that?”

Why did the pumpkin pie go to therapy?

It always felt like it came after everything else.

Why did the gravy boat join the Navy?

It was tired of just sailing around the table.

What do you call a turkey that survives Thanksgiving?

A comeback story with a book deal.

Why are sweet potatoes so calm at Thanksgiving?

They’re marsh-mellow.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove he wasn’t chicken, and to get as far away from the oven as possible.

What’s a turkey’s favorite dessert?

Anything that isn’t him.

Why did the leftovers break up with the fridge?

It kept them in the dark and gave them the cold shoulder.

Why did the corn get invited back to Thanksgiving?

It’s always all ears when Aunt Linda starts talking.

Why did the turkey sign up for the gym in October?

He was trying really hard not to get stuffed.

Why should you never play cards with a turkey?

He plays it safe all year, then folds every November.

Why did the mashed potatoes refuse to argue with the gravy?

They knew they’d end up smothered.

Why did the pie get the best seat at the table?

Everyone saves room for it. That’s real respect.

What did the dinner roll say when nobody passed it?

“I guess I’ll just loaf around until someone notices me.”

Why did the turkey join the drama club?

He’s a natural at playing dead every November.

Why did the potato skip the family photo?

It didn’t want anyone to see it mashed.

Why did the oven get a thank-you card?

It did all the work, and the turkey got all the credit.

What’s a math teacher’s favorite part of Thanksgiving?

Pumpkin pi, and figuring out how to divide one pie between fourteen relatives.

Why did the cornbread get an award?

It always rose to the occasion.

Why was the turkey nervous about the family group chat?

Somebody kept posting recipes.

Why do football players love Thanksgiving?

It’s the one day they’re encouraged to tackle a second helping.

Why did the turkey refuse to talk politics at Thanksgiving dinner?

He knew he’d be the one getting roasted.

My uncle says he’s “not that hungry” every Thanksgiving.

He says it right before his third plate, which is a really strong opening line for a liar.

What’s the hardest part of Thanksgiving dinner?

Explaining to your aunt what you actually do for work, for the fifth year in a row.

My mom told me to put the turkey in at 10 a.m. so it would be ready by 4.

I did. She also told me to turn the oven on. That part I learned the hard way.

I’m thankful for my stretchy pants.

They’ve been with me through thick and thicker.

My family says grace before Thanksgiving dinner.

My cousin says it fast because he’s hungry. My grandpa says it slowly because he’s thankful. My dad says it very slowly because he can see my cousin is hungry.

I asked my grandma for her famous stuffing recipe.

She said, “A little of this and a little of that.” I made a little of this and a little of that. It tasted like a lot of nope.

Every Thanksgiving, my dad carves the turkey like he’s performing surgery on live TV.

Last year he narrated it. This year he wants a camera crew and a second opinion.

Our family has a Thanksgiving tradition: we go around the table and say what we’re thankful for.

Then we go around again and decide who gets the leftovers. The second round takes much longer.

I tried to deep-fry a turkey this year.

The fire department came. They were very nice about it, and they even stayed for pie.

What do you call the nap everyone takes after Thanksgiving dinner?

The annual family meeting. Attendance is mandatory and nobody remembers what was discussed.

My wife asked me to set the table for Thanksgiving.

Apparently “Set the table” doesn’t mean telling it, “You’re going to be great today, buddy.”

I made a seating chart for Thanksgiving to keep the family from arguing.

It took four hours, three drafts and one diplomatic summit. Then Grandma sat wherever she wanted, and peace was declared.

Every year my brother promises to help with the dishes after Thanksgiving dinner.

Every year he discovers a very important football game at exactly that moment.

My grandpa says Thanksgiving is all about family.

Then he takes the last drumstick and says, “Family should learn to move faster.”

What does every Thanksgiving guest say right before cutting a huge slice of pie?

“I’ll just have a sliver.”

Why are turkey sandwiches the best part of Thanksgiving?

No guests, no dishes and nobody asking about your career plans.

My kids helped make the pumpkin pie this year.

It was delicious. The kitchen may never recover.

Why are Thanksgiving tables so strong?

They carry a lot of weight, and even more family drama.