A wife answers every question at her husband’s checkup

Gerald was sixty-eight and hadn’t seen a doctor since the Reagan administration, so his wife Marge made the appointment, drove him there and came into the exam room with him.

The doctor smiled and opened his laptop. “So, Gerald. How much do you drink in a week?”

“Oh, a couple of beers,” said Gerald.

“Eleven,” said Marge.

The doctor typed something. “Do you smoke at all?”

“Quit years ago,” said Gerald.

“He has a cigar every Friday in the garage and thinks the air freshener fools me,” said Marge.

“I see. And how often do you exercise?”

“Every day,” said Gerald. “I walk the dog.”

“The dog walks to the end of the driveway, and Gerald watches him from the porch,” said Marge.

The doctor took Gerald’s blood pressure, frowned, and took it again. He took off his glasses. “Gerald, this is dangerously high. Is there anything in your life that’s causing you constant stress?”