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30 Hilarious Dad Jokes That You Have To Tell

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    30 Hilarious Dad Jokes That You Have To Tell!


    • Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.
      Cop 2: Hate crime?
      Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.


    •  My son asked me, “Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?” I smiled and answered…


    • My wife didn’t think I would name our baby daughter something ridiculous.
      But I called her Bluff.


    • “How long do you think that fence is?”
      “I’m going to guess—-around a yard.”


    • I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon.
      I’ll let you know.


    • Chinese takeout: $24.95. Fuel to pick it up: $1.00. Getting home and realizing they shorted you a box:


    • How does Tom Hanks express his gratitude?


    • I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram
      I was like 0mg


    • My therapist warned me that I am getting addicted to downhill skiing.
      She said, “It’s a slippery slope.”


    • The shovel was a ground breaking invention.


    • I finally watched Doctor Who.
      It was about time.


    • Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password
      It’s not stroganoff


    • Why were the Indians in America first?
      Because they had reservations.


    • If you want to be wise with your money, don’t buy any belts
      Because it will just go to waist.


    • I was going to tell a time traveling joke.
      But nobody liked it.


    • I just watched a documentary about beavers.
      It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!


    • What do you call a pig with high aspirations in life?


    • My main problem is that I second guess myself way too much.


    • How do you make holy water?
      You boil the hell out of it.


    • Why did the dock throw itself into the sea?
      Pier pressure


    • I was shocked when my doctor told me all my fingers were broken after my accident.
      It was hard to grasp.


    • How many bones are in your hand?
      About a handful


    • Want to hear a joke about paper?
      Never mind, it’s tearable.


    • Why does the electron read the paper every morning?
      To keep up with current affairs.


    • Dad I’m cold
      Go to the corner. It’s 90degrees


    • Today, I saw a squirrel poop for the first time in my life.
      That shit was nuts!


    • My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream.
      Now all I want to do is rub it in.


    • Why does the Norway Navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
      So when they come back they can Scandinavian.


    • Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
      It got stuck in a crack.


    And last, but not least;


    • Someone broke into my garage earlier today and stole my limbo stick.
      I mean, how low can you go?
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