30 dad jokes you just have to tell

30 Hilarious Dad Jokes That You Have To Tell

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30 Hilarious Dad Jokes That You Have To Tell!


  • Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.
    Cop 2: Hate crime?
    Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.


  •  My son asked me, “Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?” I smiled and answered…


  • My wife didn’t think I would name our baby daughter something ridiculous.
    But I called her Bluff.


  • “How long do you think that fence is?”
    “I’m going to guess—-around a yard.”


  • I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon.
    I’ll let you know.


  • Chinese takeout: $24.95. Fuel to pick it up: $1.00. Getting home and realizing they shorted you a box:


  • How does Tom Hanks express his gratitude?


  • I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram
    I was like 0mg


  • My therapist warned me that I am getting addicted to downhill skiing.
    She said, “It’s a slippery slope.”


  • The shovel was a ground breaking invention.


  • I finally watched Doctor Who.
    It was about time.


  • Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password
    It’s not stroganoff


  • Why were the Indians in America first?
    Because they had reservations.


  • If you want to be wise with your money, don’t buy any belts
    Because it will just go to waist.


  • I was going to tell a time traveling joke.
    But nobody liked it.


  • I just watched a documentary about beavers.
    It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!


  • What do you call a pig with high aspirations in life?


  • My main problem is that I second guess myself way too much.


  • How do you make holy water?
    You boil the hell out of it.


  • Why did the dock throw itself into the sea?
    Pier pressure


  • I was shocked when my doctor told me all my fingers were broken after my accident.
    It was hard to grasp.


  • How many bones are in your hand?
    About a handful


  • Want to hear a joke about paper?
    Never mind, it’s tearable.


  • Why does the electron read the paper every morning?
    To keep up with current affairs.


  • Dad I’m cold
    Go to the corner. It’s 90degrees


  • Today, I saw a squirrel poop for the first time in my life.
    That shit was nuts!


  • My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream.
    Now all I want to do is rub it in.


  • Why does the Norway Navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
    So when they come back they can Scandinavian.


  • Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
    It got stuck in a crack.


And last, but not least;


  • Someone broke into my garage earlier today and stole my limbo stick.
    I mean, how low can you go?
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