30 Hilarious Dad Jokes That You Have To Tell

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30 Hilarious Dad Jokes That You Have To Tell!

 

  • Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.
    Cop 2: Hate crime?
    Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. Thatโ€™s why Iโ€™m a cop.

 

  • ย My son asked me, “Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?” I smiled and answered…
    “‘Swarm.”

 

  • My wife didn’t think I would name our baby daughter something ridiculous.
    But I called her Bluff.

 

  • โ€œHow long do you think that fence is?โ€
    โ€œIโ€™m going to guessโ€”-around a yard.โ€

 

  • I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon.
    I’ll let you know.

 

  • Chinese takeout: $24.95. Fuel to pick it up: $1.00. Getting home and realizing they shorted you a box:
    Riceless.

 

  • How does Tom Hanks express his gratitude?
    T.Hanks

 

  • I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram
    I was like 0mg

 

  • My therapist warned me that I am getting addicted to downhill skiing.
    She said, โ€œItโ€™s a slippery slope.โ€

 

  • The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

 

  • I finally watched Doctor Who.
    It was about time.

 

  • Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password
    It’s not stroganoff

 

  • Why were the Indians in America first?
    Because they had reservations.

 

  • If you want to be wise with your money, don’t buy any belts
    Because it will just go to waist.

 

  • I was going to tell a time traveling joke.
    But nobody liked it.

 

  • I just watched a documentary about beavers.
    It was the best dam program Iโ€™ve ever seen!

 

  • What do you call a pig with high aspirations in life?
    Hambitious

 

  • My main problem is that I second guess myself way too much.
    [removed]

 

  • How do you make holy water?
    You boil the hell out of it.

 

  • Why did the dock throw itself into the sea?
    Pier pressure

 

  • I was shocked when my doctor told me all my fingers were broken after my accident.
    It was hard to grasp.

 

  • How many bones are in your hand?
    About a handful

 

  • Want to hear a joke about paper?
    Never mind, it’s tearable.

 

  • Why does the electron read the paper every morning?
    To keep up with current affairs.

 

  • Dad Iโ€™m cold
    Go to the corner. Itโ€™s 90degrees

 

  • Today, I saw a squirrel poop for the first time in my life.
    That shit was nuts!

 

  • My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream.
    Now all I want to do is rub it in.

 

  • Why does the Norway Navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
    So when they come back they can Scandinavian.

 

  • Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
    It got stuck in a crack.

 

And last, but not least;

 

  • Someone broke into my garage earlier today and stole my limbo stick.
    I mean, how low can you go?
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