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Funny – Covid-19 Self Isolation Anecdotes

    • Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.


    • I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.


    • I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.


    • Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —– The Living Room or The Bedroom


    • PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.


    • Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.


    • I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone


    • This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog… we laughed a lot.


    • So, after this quarantine, will the producers of ‘My 600 Pound Life’ just find me or do I find them?


    • Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.


    • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.


    • Day 5 of Home-schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.


    • I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?


    • I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom.


    • Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.


    • Day 6 of Home-schooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”… I’m offended.


    • It’s better to be 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.
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