Before you get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
— Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees…poo poos, quickly please
Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor….walk barefooted over it in the dark
Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don’t wipe it.
Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
Always go straight home after work or school
Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, “Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea,…
Congratulations, you might be ready to get your puppy!
