Thanksgiving one-liners that are relatable and funny

I’m excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.


Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.


My husband doesn’t think housework is a full-time job. So for Thanksgiving I served him a raw turkey – because revenge is a dish best served cold.


You have to smoke a couple of bowls before Thanksgiving dinner… I can’t think of a better time to have the munchies.


There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.


If you didn’t want to sit at the kids’ table then you shouldn’t have seen the new Hunger Games movie.


You don’t need Thanksgiving to hate your family.


If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.


One turkey says to the other, “Do you believe in life after Thanksgiving?”


On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment… – halftime.


My aunt is bringing her homemade cranberry sauce to our Thanksgiving dinner, and my uncle is bringing his blatant racism!


They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, ‘Turkeypocolypse’ or ‘Stuffing-cide.’


Want to really freak someone out? Add 2 extra turkey legs to the turkey when it’s in the oven.


For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!


My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I told them I couldn’t quit “cold turkey”.


Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.


Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing is fluffy and when you’re done eating you’ll be nice and stuffy — Happy Turkey Day, America!


PS – Don’t forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.