Three funny jokes that'll make you laugh or groan

A man walks into a fancy bar and orders a glass of wine. It's early in the evening and the bar is mostly empty.

"Hey man, love the suit. That color? It looks great on you," says a voice near him.

He turns to see who it is, but no one is there.

I must be hearing things, the man thought.

He took a sip of wine, and the voice spoke again.

"You have a beautiful smile."

The man spins around, but there is still no one there.

He puts his head in his hands, sure that he is going crazy.

A minute goes by and then the voice whispers, "You're a good person. I believe in you."

"Okay, that's it", says the man , "who keeps talking to me?"

"Oh that's just the peanuts," the bartender says gravely…

"They're complimentary."

The beginning of the first class in college a professor wanted to stir things up, to make a point he said, “If there are any idiots in this room, will you please stand up."

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the professor in a snidely voice.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student…"

"I just didn't want to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

A guy walks into a store and asks the clerk, "Where's the alcohol?"

The Clerk replies, "I'm sorry Sir, this is a candy store."

The guy pleads, "Do you have any candy with alcohol in it?!"

The Clerk thinks for a moment, then walks down an aisle and returns with a bag.

The guy looks at the bag and says, "This isn't quite what I wanted…"

The Clerk shrugs and replies,

"Well, it IS liquor-ish…"